Lend a listening ear. Tell your friend that you care and you are willing to listen. Don't force the issue, but allow her to confide in you at her own pace. Never blame her for what's happening, or underestimate her fear of potential danger. Focus on supporting her right to make her own decisions.
Guide her to community services. Gather information about domestic violence in her area. These programs offer safety, advocacy, support, legal information, and other needed services. Let her know that she isn't alone and that people are available to help her. Encourage her to seek the assistance of battered women's advocates. Assure her that they will keep information about her confidential.
Focus on her strengths. Battered women live with emotional and/or physical abuse. Your friend is probably continually told by her abuser that she is a bad woman, bad partner, and bad mother. She may believe that she can't do anything right and that there really is something wrong with her. Give her emotional support to believe she is a good and worthy person. Help her examine her strengths and skills. Emphasize that she deserves a life free from violence.
Help her make a safety plan. Help your friend contact the nearest battered women's program. They can help her examine her options and find a safe place. Not all communities have safe shelter and if there is one available it could be full, so she may need to rely on friends or family for temporary housing. But take caution. A battered woman frequently faces the most danger when she tries to flee and you could face threats and/or harm from her abuser. Talk to your local battered women's program about how you can help your friend in a safe way. http://www.mcbw.org/
DONT pretend that the abuse isn't happening or that it isn't that bad. Putting your head in the sand doesn't change the reality of what is happening. Let her know that you take the abuse very seriously.
DONT wait for her to come to you. She may never come forward. Abusers are very good at manipulating their victims to think that they deserve the abuse, that they are crazy, or that nobody will believe them. Approaching her may save her life.
DONT blame her for the abuse. She is already feeling guilt and shame that doesn't belong to her. He chose to abuse and he must take responsibility for his actions.
DONT pressure her. Leaving any relationship is difficult; abusive relationships are no different. She may still care about him and he may still say that he cares about her. She may be holding onto hope that the abuse will end and the relationship can be salvaged. Sometimes this is possible, but often times it is not.
DONT blame or attack the abuser. She is confused and may defend him. This can hurt your relationship with her and make it difficult when she needs help again.
DONT give up. On average, a victim goes back to their abuser seven times before they are able to get out and stay out of the relationship. There are many factors that make this difficult (see "Why Victims Stay" under "Learn More"), and her risk of physical danger jumps dramatically during and the time that she is trying to flee. Be patient and sensitive to her situation, assuring her that you will always be there when she needs help or just needs to talk.
